Tuesday, May 19, 2015

How to Change the Settings on Your Baby

audrey mei

"This helped me." I don't know about yours, but my baby has Settings.  Wake me if I'm dreaming [reaches for strong coffee, checks baby for messages, burps iPhone].


1. Sleep settings. 

Settings > General > Sleep > Nighttime > Duration > 12 hours


2. Naps.

Settings > General > Sleep > Daytime > Naps > Frequency > Every 2 hours


2. Feedings.

Settings > General > Feedings > Daytime > Frequency > Every 4 hours

FOR NIGHTTIME:

Settings > General > Feedings > Nighttime > None


3. For no more blow-outs, schedule the poops. 

Settings > General > Elimination > Poo > Frequency > Every 24 hours

THEN:

Settings > General > Elimination > Poo > Set time > 8:00 a.m.


4. Volume. 

 Settings > General > Sound > OFF


5. Notifications. 

Settings > General > Notification Center > Tomorrow View > Cranky Alert > ON


6. Learning.

Settings > General > Usage > Storage > Apps > Mommy's Instructions > "Don't Touch That" List > Automatic Update > ON


7. Language.

Settings > General > International > Language > English (Oxford)


8. For your physical comfort.

Settings > General > Mommy > Functions > Biological > Let Mommy Go to the Bathroom > ON


9. For your sanity (unfortunately it doesn't go longer than this).

Settings > General > Mommy > Functions > Social > Let Mommy Talk to Another Adult > ON > Duration > 45 minutes


If I've forgotten any Settings, add them in the comments below.

1 comment:

  1. Creative and hilarious! You can probably get this published somewhere.

    ReplyDelete